Dehydration and stress do not mix well

It has been nearly a week since I last posted but last week proved to be a stressful one.

My son decided to be a terror most of last week challenging his teacher and bith of us. Wednesday it took him nearly 3 hours to read a 45 page, level 3.1 book and pass one of our quizzes simply because he refused to actualy read the book. Instead he decided to skim it and say he read it thinking he would get away with it. Yeah, not a chance. The remainder of the week he just refused to behave and continued this throughout the weekend which got him grounded. Hoping this week will be better considering he hated watching his sisters play in the snow while he had to stay in his room.

Thiursday night my Jeep's engine decided to die on our way back from bible study. The kids and I were able to get a ride from the exit to the gas station where our neighbor picked us up but the stress through my body into a massive flare. Thankfully a friend was gracious enough to come pick up the kids for school on Friday and we were able to borrow another friend's spare car saving us on rental fees until the Jeep is fixed. My body crashed hard on Friday so I ended up sleeping nearly all day.

This weekend Josh worked on Saturday and had a rec soccer coaches meeting on Sunday along with other things he did which left mme to soloing the kids most of the weekend. I'm not mad or anything at Josh for having to solo the kids. It just left me with little rest.

All of the above is what probably led me to being severely dehydrated for IVIG despite me drinking fluids as much as possible. I was hoping to get the vein in one stick but should have known better considering how off I have felt this morning. My BP was also raised which the dehydration likely caused so having 2 bags of fluid as bookends to my IVIG is probably a much needed thing. It took 4 sticks and 2 nurses to finally get my IV started which sucked but it wasn't the nurses fault.  We managed to find a vein just below my wrist that popped u finally after disaapearing on a previous attempt.  At times it feels like my veins like to play hide and seek just to make everyone's day more interesting.

Until tomorrow or at least Wednesday since I probably need to get through the next round of parent/teacher conferences before posting.

What you see and don't see

Yeah, failing horribly on posting every day lately on what it is like to live "Life on the Fringes" as that life I speak of has gotten away from me just a tad.

The kids had yet another snow day on Friday which meant little rest for me. The weekend was crazy as Saturday it started to snow heavily. Thankfully we were ready for it and had no plans to venture out. It helped that Josh and I were working an Ingress Global Anamoly in Austin remotely with Josh as head operator and myself as one of the cluster operators. It was fun but also meant constant adjustment on my part so my joints didn't lock during the nearly five hour event. What was cool about it that our team won by quite a bit which made some of my discomfort worth it. 

Sunday we woke up to Joseph throwing up due to eating a bad Clementine we think the night before. This meant no church for us which wasn't a good thing but I used the time to get some much needed rest before heading to 3 hours of soccer training. Monday the kids made it back to school, thankfully, which allowed me to go to my hour long Actemira infusion without any tag-a-longs. Afterwards I had no choice but to crash since we were headed to a STEM (science, technology, engineering, & math) seminar at a local roller skating rink put on for the cubscouts. It was great fun watching the kids learn some new things while getting to skate for an hour while having the rink with maybe 25 other people at most. The kids were thrilled I put on some rollerblades as well to join them since it was so deserted. We figured less people meant less chance of someone running into me and since I rollerbladed all the time in college, I am fairly stable on my blades. It was really great to see the kids reactions to having them watch me skate around the rink fairly well. Yes, I can skate and do some active things instead of always having to be on the sidelines.

Unfortunately the skating is what brings me to my topic of "What you see and don't see".  What my kids saw was mommy joining in on the family fun and skating around the rink for 45 minutes or so instead of sitting on the sidelines. What they didn't see was the severe pain I was in last night due to my body not liking on the activity. I knew I wouldn't hurt myself rollerblading but also knew I would pay for it later. It is the constant give and take that shapes my decisions. In this case, seeing the kids smiles and being able to show my kids a glimpse of how active I used to be made the pain later worth it. Others might think this was a stupid move and that I should have stayed just watching. They may be right but I wanted to feel normal for just a little while and having low turn out at the scout event allowed me to feel normal.

Late last week, we had to do a typical grocery run to Giant Eagle. We parked using my blue handicap placard and I walked seemingly normal into the store. People around the truck at the time probably thought "why is she using a handicap space, she looks fine." What they didn't see was about half way around the store my knee decided to give out making walking very painful.  Fatigue also started to hit around this time so I started using the cart as a walker in order to finish what we needed to do, Josh knew I was hurting so we slowed down. By the time we checked out I could barely walk so that handicap spot proved essential to me when it was time to leave the store. 

When I drop my kids off at Calumet Christian each morning, I often times stay with them in the lobby so they don't have to stand outside in the cold. On Thurday mornings, I help in the first grade classroom as well for an hour. What people see is me with a smile on my face, walking without much of a limp and appearing totally healthy. What they don't see is how long it took me to get myself out of bed that morning and how hard it was to take those first steps due to severe stiffness or how hard it was to open a simple bottle do to weakness in my hands. After I get home from drop off or home from working the classroom, what they don't see is me crashing on the couch for the remainder of the morning because I just spent what little energy I had at the school. On good days, I come home and get a few chores done around the house but inevitably my body gives out on me and forces me to stop what I am doing and take a nap.  Yet, despite all the challenges, I enjoy being involved in the kids school and helping out in the classroom.

What people see is myself being a driver for a field trip or my family going for a short hike in the woods.  What they don't see is how much planning is involved to allow me to participate in those activities. How I have to plan ahead how much I need to rest up so I can participate with minimal negative impact to my body.  Sometimes despite all my planning, I still end up struggling to participate but sometimes it works out and God gives me the strength I need to finish out the activity with a smile on my face. 

Reading this blog people may think that all I am doing is whining about how hard my illness is and complaining about the constant pain and adjustments constantly needed. What people don't know is that I thank God every day for the things I can get accomplished that day. Sure I get frustrated and there are lots of times I don't want to have to think about living with several chronic illnesses. I vent to God and vent to my husband but ultimately come to the same conclusion each time. I don't know why God allowed me to have all these health issues but he must have some reason. I have to trust his plan for my life and just try to live each day the best I can . It is not all bad. These past 10 years I have learned how to adapt, be flexible and have more empathy for others. Still working on how to ask for help when I need it but I am trying. More importantly my illnesses have allowed me to be more understanding to my youngest's joint issues. 

Until tomorrow....

Snow days and doctors appointments

I have failed miserably in posting much lately due to a variety of factors. The weekend was incredibly busy so I barely had a chance to breathe much less think about what to post. Sunday we left the house at 8am and didn't get home till 7pm due to church, a classmates roller skating party and soccer training.

This week the weather decided to remind us how harsh it could be. Monday was a scheduled day off but we got a snow day Tuesday do to severe temps. Wednesday they had school but the roads were horrible. Our normal 15min drive turned into a 45 minute trek but at least we arrived with little issue.  Today schools were closed again due to severe temps and we are waiting on word about tomorrow considering the temp is supposed to be even lower.  Makes for a trying week, especially when the kids start to get bored and I can't let them play outside like I would during Spring Break.

Thanks to the snow day today, the kids had the joy of going to my 6 month dermatology check up with me. Usually I like to go alone to these but no such luck.  I expected it to be a fairly uneventful visit with him finding no spots.

Yeah, I was wrong. As soon as he started to look at my face, he immediately found 2 spots around my nose where I had put the chemo creme on last month that he decided to freeze off.  If you have ever had this done, you know how much this burns when the liquid hits your skin.  Thanks to the kids watching my reaction, I was unable to so much as flinch at the pain and just had to breathe through it. Not my idea of fun.

Of course those 2 spots were not the only things he found today. He also noted to spots on the right side of my forehead that he noted as possible basal cell carcinoma. I was not thrilled knowing he was going to biopsy these spots which meant two shots into the area to numb the area.  With my history of basal cell carcinoma, 8 spots removed from my face over the last 3 years, he suspects these two will turn up as basal cell as well. At least he said that I could drive myself to the Mohs surgery to have them removed since they posed no danger of making my eye swell during the procedure. I'll take whatever positive I can get out of the appointment.

On another positive note, I got several compliments on how well behaved the kids were at the appointment. What really made me smile was Joseph opening doors for the girls and ladies he saw in the building telling them "Girls first."  It was very sweet and made several of the older gentlemen around us smile as well.  We want Joseph to open doors for girls and be protective of them. Chivalry is not dead in my house.

Until tomorrow....I hope at least

Boys and Reading

This week has been a tad crazy as usual but thankfully my body has held up ok. Granted I haven't held much down the last few days for some reason but at least I was able to make it to the kids various schoo Valentine's Day parties.

Today the kids have off of school due to a teacher work day.  One of Cynthia's books was finally released so we headed to the library to pick it up and let the kids play on the computers as well as find a book.

Here is where the fun begins. The girls love to read so getting them to read has been fairly easy. Joseph likes picture books but getting him to voluntarily read a chapter book has been challenging. Josh was able to find the Mighty Robot series which he loved but has completely read through leaving us searching for another series for him to get excited about as well.  He has read book one of The Hardy Boys secret files but only sort of liked it so on goes my search.

Thankfully I was able to find a chapter book called Scooby-Doo mysteries that he seems willing to try and a Batman chapter book so we'll try these and see what he thinks. At some point he will find a chapter books more appealing, until then I will keep trying to find books he will read, even if they are not chapter books. Reading is reading.

If anyone has any suggestions, I would be open to it. He is a reluctant reader but a very good one as his reading level is 2.9 (high 2nd grade) to 4.2 (start of 4th grade).

Until tomorrow....

Life getting away from me

Wow, I haven't posted since Wednesday. Life this past week just got away from me apparently.

When I reach my pain tolerance my body completely shuts down on me.  This is what happened this past week with my shoulder pain. I was able to get the kids to school and then I would come home and crash outside some minor stuff around the house. When the kids got home, I helped with homework and then would head to bed almost as soon as they would go down. I gave in and took my pain meds this past week as well as I couldn't tolerate it any more.

Thankfully, despite the crazy weekend, my shoulder appears to be doing a little better. Saturday was a fairly calm day with Cynthia attending a birthday party and a family grocery run. Sunday we ran nonstop so my shoulder pain spiked again but has calmed down a small amount. Even though I'm still in a fair amount of pain, having it ease up some which is nice. 

Pain can do funny things to a person. People with chronic pain learn to live with it often coming to the understanding that the likelyhood of it never completely going away is slim to none. During high pain situations, any pain reduction   is a nice break. the rest of the time we use various coping strategies and tend to develop a high pain tolerance. During my last right knee surgery in which a plastic surgereon closed a hole just below my knee, he told me I officially have a high pain tolerance. I recovered at home when the normal course of recovery would have been 4-5 days in the hospital.  What this really means to me and my family is when I have reached my max, I am in way more pain than the average person.  Thankfully this doesn't happen too often. My normal pain range during the day is around a 6/7 out of 10. Knowing other aut immune people, this is probably not out of the ordinary and is a way of life. 

Next time you run across someone who lives with chronic pain,  give them a smile but please don't say feel better because feeling better has varying degrees but is not something we can completely ever achieve.

Until tomorrow....  

 

Distractions are a wonderful thing

Distractions are a wonderful thing, especially when dealing with joint pain. Instead of focusing what is causing my shoulder pain for this post, I'm going to share some of the more positive things going on right now.

This morning Charissa and I were waiting for her eye doctor to come in the room and we started talking about her birthday. I asked her if she knew what month she was born. She replied "July" so I asked her was day. She replied " 11th" so I followed up with what year. She comes back with "every year" which made me laugh. She was right though as we celebrate her birthday every year, it just wasn't the answer I was expecting.

My kids are a great source of distraction for me. They make me laugh every day in one way or another.  She recently read her first real chapter book and got a 90% on the test. She had a huge smile on her face and I was thrilled she did so well since she was hesistent to take the test in the first place. Joseph tells me he is already on chapter 6 of his first Hardy Boys book that he started yesterday with a huge smile on his face. He is so excited to be reading this book and I am excited he wants to read since I know he is a great reader. Like any child, he just has to be interested in the book.  Cynthia was making me laugh last night at dinner. Josh picked up a Taco box from Taco Bell for dinner, I know not the healthyest but I had a migraine. Cynthia preceeds to read all the sayings on the various hot sauce packets and puts 4 milds on one Taco. I made her laugh when I asked her if she was having any taco with her sauce. For her first taco, she gave the mild sauce to Joseph but instead of saying mild she called it the "baby" sauce. This made Josh and I both laugh as Josh called mild salsa "baby" salsa the other day.  Aren't kids great at picking up everything we say and do whether we like it or not?

Often times on a particularly bad day, I use distraction as a way to not focus on my joint pain instead of reaching for any meds I may have in the house. Sometimes this works in my favor. Sometimes it back fires so when I do finally break down and take some meds for relief, they wake me up when I should be sleeping.

Napping is another great distraction my body uses to cope. I remember when my kids were younger it was a battle to go get them to take a nap. Even now it is a battle when we have one of them lay down because we know they need one badly.  As an adult I still fight naps at times, focrcing my eyes open when they start to shut while I am reading instead of giving in and crashing. Due to my various chronic illness, my body will shut down on me nearly every day and force me to take a nap. Usually this is some time between noon and 2pm. If I miss that nap time, my body will force me to crash at some point. Yesterday I missed it due to a pain management doctor appointment so my body crashed on me when I got home instead.  I really think for high pain or chronic pain situations, naps are your body's way of distracting you from it and forcing you to slow down. At least for me this often seems to be thie case.

Regardless of what I use too distract me, and there are many more things I use, the art of distraction is a very useful tool I use when coping with my ongoing pain in my joints. I just need to work on when it is appropriate to use distraction versus when I really should take meds to relieve my symptoms. It's an ongoing process.

Until tomorrow.

Falling down stairs is not the best way to start the day....

This past weekend was extremely crazy leaving me too tired to blog much.

 On Saturday we were at my son's Cubscout Pinewood Derby event from set up to tear down since we used the truck to transport the track back and forth.  By the end of the day I was wiped out as I was up most of the day taking pictures for the pack.  It was worth it though as we had a great day. My son's car won first place in his Wolf den and 2nd place over the entire pack. My oldest's car took first place in the sibling/parent/leader race. Charissa's car wasn't that far behind them either. We raced all our cars against each other at the end of the event and Cynthia's car won out of our family. al 3 kids cars were close though. Seeing the smiles on everyones faces was well worth the energy spent.

 Sunday I started the day slipping down my stairs and hurting my shoulder. This put me out of commission most of the day. I think I slipped on a piece of plastic laying on the top of the stairs.  We don't think I fully dislocated my right shoulder and I don't think I even partially dislocated it. If anything, I might have sprained it so we pulled out one of my old shoulder slings in order to get it to calm down. If it still smarting in a week or so, I will have t get it looked at by a doc but for now we are going the sling, rest, ice route. Would not recommend falling down stairs as a way to start a day though. It sucks. Hoping it will calm down soon.


This morning I was able to move my shoulder some so made my breakfast casserole for the kids. Unfortunately it was a little icy out so the trip to Calumet, especially once we got near the school, was a little interesting.  Thankfully I was able to get up to the North Columbus area for IVIG with no issues. My nurse mentioned my right shoulder was a forward sitting and mentioned the partial sublux idea. Neither one of us think I dislocated completely though. Only time will tell. Injurying this shoulder is not new to me unfortunately so I know how to handle it.

The week ahead should be relatively calm as long as the weather stops with all this ice stuff. My goal is to get the kitchen more decluttered Hoping to get most of it done this week.  Now to get my body to cooperate would be awesome.

Until tomorrow...I hope

Cleaning and Chronic Illness

Cleaning is something  I'm sure is not exactly something we all like to do but is considered a necessary evil. For someone like myself, cleaning can be extremely challenging and often times falls to Josh due to my various issues.

Lately I have been trying to following the FlyLady.net system of cleaning. Her philosophy is you can get anything done in 15 minute increments. She even has missions each day that she posts on her website and email lists. Right now she is doing something called Back to Basics where she sends out posts each day on a basic concept she teaches. It is a series of things you are supposed to go through and you are considered a Flybaby until you have finished these things. The thing I like most about her system is that she never tries to make anyone feel guilty but tells them to jump right in and start where they are at right now.

Some days I am more successful than others in actually completing her missions. The one thing I believe she misses though in her posts is not accounting for those with chronic illness. Example, on Monday she called the mission her "Home Blessing Hour" where you spend an hour going around and doing a basic cleaning around the house. This is on top of the mission she sends out in the various zones. She split up the house into zones and one zone gets focused on each week. The problem I have with the blessing hour is that I physically can't clean for that length of time all at once and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Because of this and other issues that pop up, I tend to have to modify what I can do during the day.

Some days I am only successful in getting laundry started which she calls rebooting the laundry and getting the dishwasher rotated. The actual mission of the day gets pushed aside as my body can't do it. This frustrates me a  tad but I also know that making a system like this work for someone with a chronic illness is part of life.  The concept of setting a timer and focusing on one task for 15 minutes or one area for 15 minutes is doable even on my hardest days. Granted most people who follow this system with do this 15 minute work multiple times throughout the day while I may only get a single 15 minute segment done the entire day.

Cleaning in baby steps takes time. My house is no where near where I need and want it to be. Unfortunately Josh has to take the brunt of the housework but I do try. My usual jobs are handling the laundry and working on the dishwasher while at least planning the meals. He may cook them but I have them at least planned out.  Lately I have been trying to slowly declutter the house. My goal this year is to spend 15 minutes each day working on decluttering an area of the house. Today I got my Jeep cleaned out so goal met. Tomorrow with the pinewood derby all day, not entirely sure anything will get done. I expect it will wipe me out making me useless the rest of the evening.  Such is life.

If you know someone with a chronic illness, please be kind and not judge too harshly on how  clean their house may be at any given time. Personally my house is cluttered and needs work which we are doing, slowly. One day at a time, 15 minutes at a time.

Until tomorrow.

Frustrated

I'm frustrated and told Josh as much in a hangout. Not with him but with my body.

This morning I woke up feeling fairly decent. I took my pain meds last night so my pain levels are at a tolerable level of 6 out of 10. Not too bad for me at all. I got up and made breakfast biscuits for the kids, filled with cheese, sausage and bacon along with getting their lunches ready for school. Also managed to unload and reload the dishwasher with minimal issues, like dropping things and took Rebel out so I was thinking today was going to be a really productive day.

After drop off, I wanted to come home and make a decent dent in the house cleaning.  Something taht really needs to get done as we have a lot of clutter.  I've been following the Flylady back to basic missions even and trying to do things in 15 minutes increments.  My body is not cooperating though in what my mind wants to get done. My body has decides it is going to feel weak and make me winded any time I am up for longer than 10 minutes at a time.  Any time I sit down, my eyes start to close. This frustrates me a great deal as I want to be productive today. It makes me feel lazy when I am crashed on the couch all day. 

Josh works hard at his job and does a great job at it.  My 'job" is the house and taking care of the kids while handling my various illnesses since I can't work outside the home.  Today I feel like I am not doing a good job when I really want to do better.  My body wants me to crash on the couch till it is time to pick up the kids instead of "working".   The smart thing to do is listen to my body and rest because if I don't, I could go into a flare, making things that much worse. I'd like to not give in just yet though and find a compromise. 

Maybe I will work on picking up things for 5 or 10 minute increments every hour instead of just resting.  Will also make sure I take a decent nap so I am able to help the kids with homework when they get home.   This process of figuring out what I should do versus what I can do is something I go through every day. Some days, like today, I get frustrated when my body forces me to slow down. On better days I can get a lot more done. It istill doesn't measure up to what most normal people would consider a lot but for me it is what I can do. 

Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day. The only thing I can do is trust taht God has my back and that he will help my body feel better tomorrow. Until then, I do what I can. 

Until tomorrow...

Unexpected problems and success

Just realized I hadn't posted since Saturday. Oops. Well since Saturday things have been a little nuts.

Sunday we made it to church, relaxed some and then off to soccer training. Typical Sunday but busy for me. What wasn't really expected, by me at least, was the snow that started in the morning, switched to rain and then back to snow when we were at training. Definitely made me glad I wasn't driving as I hate driving in slick conditions.

Coming out of soccer the kids were saying they hoped they had a snow day on Monday. I looked at several weather apps and most of them said the heaviest snow would be done by midnight so I said don't count on it. Go figure when I got up early Monday, I glanced at the nbc4i site for school closings and noticed Columbus City schools had closed. Not 5 minutes later I get the text that Calumet was closed for the day as well. Normally I am thrilled by this due to hating to drive but not yesterday. Yesterday I was scheduled for my hour long Actemira IV infusion with a followup doc appointment afterwards. I called Josh in a panic asking what should I do thinking I would have to reschedule. Nope, he told me to bring them and have them sit in the lobby quietly and play on their Kindles till I was done. The lobby was just a short hallway from where I was so they should be fine. My doc office was fine with this as well.

As it turns out, I explained to the kids that I needed them on their best behavior and they behaved wonderfully. I didn't hear a peep out of them the entire time I was on IV. When I met with my RA doc, she and her nurse told me how great they were the entire time. The nurses were keeping an eye on them as they called patients back as well knowing I was in the infusion room. My RA doc told me that the kids were welcome any time. Granted an hour long infusion would be the max I would have them wait in the lobby by themselves but it was nice to hear how good they were from others. I was very happy with them during the entire visit and told them as much. 

Unfortunately the rest of the day did not go as smoothly. We made it home fine and the kids were decent the rest of the day so that wasn't the issue. What I didn't expect happen was getting a migraine on top of my usual side effects of severe fatigue. Thankfully the migraine hit after Josh was home and we were out running a few minor errands. The being out was good and bad but mainly good since it wasn't full blown till we got home. I was able to get everyone fed and then able to lay down on the couch some before tucking everyone in for bed. 

Acetimra is a great med and combined with my other medications, seems to be continuing to work. The best thing Actemira does is keep the swelling down in my hands so I am able to wear my wedding ring. Unfortunately it also has side effects that last 12-14 hours after infusion. Within 3 hours of infusion, I usually try and be home so when my body gives out, I can take a long nap. I'm usually just tired for the next day or so which isn't too bad since I accomodate for it. Knowing the migraine hit right after infusion this time, next month I am going to have to preemptively take Advil migraine in hopes of stopping it before it starts. Just another thing I have to plan for and adapt. Such is life. 

Until tomorrow and I do plan on posting tomorrow...

I Am....

This turned up in my Facebook feed last night and every one of these hit home for me.

I am strong yet have days when I feel physically and mentally weak.

I am resilient but wish I didn't have to be.

I try my best even when I feel my best isn't good enough.

I value my life even my life I didn't plan to have.

I am not perfect yet I strive to be even knowing only God is perfect.

I am the perfect me who has a husband and kids who love me anyway.

I never give up but do take a step back when need be.

I am empathetic to the struggles of those who suffer from chronic illnesses like myself.

I am a warrior inside and out as this is the only way I can get through the bad days.

Ready to conquer anything thrown at me as long as I remember God and my family have my back.

I am not broken but feel like I am when my body doesn't cooperate with what I want to do.

I am loving yet can be very short tempered when my joint pain gets the better of me. 

I take things one day at a time as that is the only way most of us with chronic illness can live. 

I am independent to a fault and don't like to ask for help even when I need it.

I am human looking forward to a day when we find a cure for the many of chronic illnesses in the world today.

I am a survivor continuing to adapt and thrive despite the obstacles thrown in my way. 

Until tomorrow.

Sick kids and poor eyes

The last few days has been hectic with Cynthia not feeling well.  Monday she barely ate and ran a low grade fever all day which meant no school on Tuesday. Yesterday her fever broke and she seemed to be feeling better when she went to bed. Unfortunately she woke up with a headache and sore throat again today so she stayed home again. 

Some parents would say send the child to school anyway since she isn't running a fever over 99. I'm not one of those parents. When growing up I went to school no matter what, rarely staying home, mainly when I couldn't keep anything down or had a high fever.  With both parents working, they did the best they could and I don't blame them for sending me. One of the "perks" to me being disabled is being able to stay home with the kids when they need it. 

Cynthia looked tired and refused to eat breakfast saying she wasn't hungry. Coming from a child who usually finishes what I don't eat on most meals, this was a red flag to me.  Josh and I both agree on the concept on only sending the kids if they feel well enough to pay attention in school and get something out of it. If they don't feel good or won't be able to concentrate at school because of it, it defeats the point of sending them. I would rather keep them home resting so they can get over it faster and no infect others.  I do pick up work for them from their teacher during drop off so they don't get too far behind when they are out which is what Cynthia is working on as I type this since the ibuprofen has kicked in finally. Really hoping she is feeling better tomorrow. 

On a totally different topic, one of my more "normal" chronic conditions is issues with my eyes. I have extremely bad eye sight which my opthamalogist calls severe myopia taht is corrected by strong prescription glasses. My eyesight is so bad that my script won't fit into a polycarbonate lens or even the high density lens so I've had to move to an even more specialised type of lens to correct my vision. Thankfully our vision insurance covers a large portion of it. On top of sevre myopia, I have retinitis pigmentosa which means I have some small holes in my retina which is held stable by the pigment around it.  It also has some other complications with it which I honestly ignore unless my doc brings it up.

My last yearly visit, I was told I have cataracts as well. I guess I had it the year before as well but he never mentioned it. He mentioned it to me this time because my vision dropped a fair amount from the year before and is something he will be watching closely this coming year.  Usually when I hear about someone having cataracts, I think of someone is their 60;s or older, not someone my age with a young family. If my vision drops a significant amount again this coming year, he told me the cataracts will have to be addressed. I can only assume that means possible cataracts surgery which scares me. Any surgery scares me right now thanks to my immunodefinciency which ups the risk of infection.  Only time will tell on this one. If I am honest with myself, I can already tell my vision is changing some so probably need to start mentally preparing for it. Surgery means bringing my immunologist in on things so we can minimize any complications.  

All this stuff doesn't impact my life as much as my problems with driving at night. I complained about it at my last visit and they did a glare test. What they did was covered one eye while putting a cone around the other eye and flooding the inside with a bright light. I read the letters through the small part of the cone. I did ok with my right eye after a few minutes of struggling to adjust but wasn't able to see anything with my left eye. I've never had this test done before now but wish I had as it explained a lot to me. In the past I have had trouble driving at night due to the glare of oncoming cars and street lights so the results of the glare test made sense to me.  It also validated my hestitation for driving at night.

At this point I only drive at night when I absoutely have to drive. Usually this means when I have to pick or take one of my kids somewhere and Josh isn't able to do it or coming home from an unavoidable doctor's appointment. This also means I limit any social type things on my own to daylight or at least time it to getting home before it gets completly dark. At times this can be a bit isolating, especially when it comes to wanting to go to my home church's women's cell group. The last 6 months or so I haven't gone at all due to me just not being comfortable driving among other factors depending on the week.   I'm an introvert to begin with so night vision problems doesn't exactly encourage me to go out when I am more comfortable at home. On a positive note, my vision with glasses is able to be corrected to 20/30. This allows me to live a more normal life or at least am able to pass the eye test in order to maintain my driving privileges.  We just have to adapt to my limitations when night driving is involved.

Until tomorrow....

Handicap Parking

The definition of Handicap is a circumstance that makes progress or success difficult per the Oxford dictionary. Another definition per the same dictionary is a condition that markedly restricts a person's ability to function physicall mentally, or socially. Though this definition is marked as possibly offensive.

The informal definition of invisble illness is any medical condition that is not outwardly visible to others, even health care professionals.

Either separately or together, both these defintions define who is able to park in a Handicap spot as long as they have a Blue or Red tag hanging or a designated handicap license plate.  In order to get one a person must have a doctor write a script saying they are in need of this type of parking. Red means it is a temporary handicap and as an expiration date while blue is permanent and I believe is good for 5 years.  Only the person with the disability is able to use the spot, wether they are driving or a passenger in a vehicle. If the person assigned to the handicap tag is not in the vehicle, the spot should not be used. Unfortunately many ignore this rule and will take advantage of the closer spot even if they are not the ones with the issue. It is fast becomong a pet peeve of mine.

The hard part to seeing a person in a handicap spot is knowing if they are the ones with the disability or are they just using the spot because someone in their household, not with them at the time, has one. An invisible illness is exactly that, invisible. A person may appear to be completely healthly parking in the spot yet suffer from an invisible illness like Rheumatoid Arthritis or Chronic Fatigue syndrome.  Sometimes it is hard to tell but sometimes it is very easy to see the person parking as no disability and is just using the space. It is these cases that piss me off as I consider it rude. It is even worse when a person parks in a handicap spot without any tag at all, regardless of the warnings of a steep fine.  I try and give the person the benefit of doubt when they have a legal tag hanging, try being the operative word.

I have a blue handicap placard and have had one for several years now. It was a struggle for me to finally ask for one as it meant I had to acknowledge that I have a disability. When I brought it up to my RA doc, she told me she would have writted a script for me several years before had I asked. We only use it when I am in the car and even then, it depends on tthe parking spaces. If Josh is driving, we may find a spot right next to one so won't use it or he will ask me if I need it. Unfortunately, the last several years most of the time I do so will park in one.

Parking in handicap parking can bring on a host of reactions. Thanfully they have all been nonverbal but I know of circumstances where people have been questioned and yelled at for using their placard. They have been told the spot is supposed to be for people in a wheelchair and that they don't have a "real" disability. This is ignorance on display. In my case, what people don't see is that I may be fine walking in but half way through shopping, will be extremely tired. My joints may be stiff that day or my knees may have given out from the start making walking a challenge. I have days where every step I make hurts so parking in a closer spot makes my life a little easier. Unless you know me and my situation, you don't know these issues though. When I park I get dirty looks or people who will walk slowly by just staring at me. Some will shake their heads or whisper something to the person they are walking with.

Yesterday we had a circumstance when pulling into the parking lot for our kids indoor soccer trainging related to handicap parking that set this post off. When pulling in, the two spots are a little off to the right of the main road in, right in front of the door. We had a car pull into the handicap spot, kind of turned some, in order to let his daughter out by the door. No tag was visible on the rear view mirror or on the liscense plate so we waited, backing up traffic in the process as we legitimately needed the spot. After a few minutes, his daughter finally got out and the guy turned so he could find another spot to park allowing us to pull into the handicap spot. As soon as we parked, Josh pulled the placard down as it is illegal to drive with it hanging on the rear view mirror. I was told this specfically by a police officer recently despite everyone leaving it while driving.

When Josh walked into the facility, Josh confronted the guy. His excuse was that is car wasn't turned off and that we could have still pulled into the spot. I wish I would have taken a picture of his car at the time in order to show him that there is no way we could have pulled into the spot. Josh said it was rude and inconsiderate. The guy disagreed simply saying he didn't turn his car off.  Josh was right in confronting the guy. Unfortunately this guy believes what too many people believe in regards to the spots. To these people it is ok to pull into a handicap spot for a few minutes as long as you don't turn your vehicle off or are not staying long. It is not ok and I consider it very rude using the spots this way, no matter how much of a rush or how busy things are. People, like myself, need these spots open to use.  It is a need not something we wished would happen.

With this specific training facility, usually only two of us use these two spots available. Yesterday we saw another valid car we didn't recignize in the other spot. Knowing that a parent in a wheelchair usually used taht spot, Josh told the owner of the facility that if the guy pulled up and needed the spot to let him know. He could always move the truck to a different spot so the guy in the wheelchair could have our spot and could come and pick me up by the door. This is showing respect to someone else since we had other options available at the time.

No one with a disability, silent or otherwise, wished for a disability just so they could have the perk of parking in a closer spot compared to others. Most in fact would give up their tag in a heartbeat if it meant not having to fight various illnesses or impairments every day of their lives. Unfortunately too many people don't see our side of things and think we are lucky. I do consider myself lucky that I am surrounded by a loving family and supportive husband but lucky to qualify for a blue handicap tag, yeah not so much.

In parting, if you don't have a blue or red handicap tag don't use the handicap spots unless someone with you at the time has one assigned to them.  Until tomorrow.

Chronic Illlness and raising a family

It may seem obvious but chronic illness affects more than just the person sick.  It impacts the entire family in various ways forcing everyone to adapt. I've found that many on the outside of things don't see this and make judgements, sometime silent, sometimes not.

Josh and I have been together for almost 15 years now and will be married 12 years this coming July. Over the past 15 years, he has been there with me through 9 joint surgeries out of my 11 that I have had thus far. My kids have been around for 8 of them but thankfully don't remember much of most of them as they were too young.  They have also been around for 4 other surgeries and countless procedures all of which has impacted them in some way.

When Josh and I first started dating my body was in much better shape. I remember the two of us going for 20 mile bike rides without a second thought. Sure I would be tired and achy but not to the extent I am now. The only thing back then that was a constant battle was my right shoulder semi dislocating, which he would put back in socket, and constant pain above my right eye. Otherwise we lived a fairly active life. In 2006 I completed my first Sprint distance triathlon and was in decent shape. What we didn't know at the time was my RA was likely in remission or not active at the time allowing me to do these things.  Since the completion of my 2nd Sprint distance triathlon, we have watched my body slowly get worse.

I have gone from completing a triathlon to barely walking at times. I get winded just going from my couch to the kitchen on bad days. My kids don't know a time when I wasn't dealing with an illness. When they were younger, I felt bad that I physically couldn't take them everywhere and do all the things normal moms do. Instead we spent a lot of time playing at home. Often times when they would nap, so would I. They know my limitations and at this point can usually tell when I am wearing down and need to rest. As much as I try not to get cranky with them when I am not feeling great, I don't always succeed which usually results in me apologizing to them.

Now that they are getting older, they are starting to understand even more and for them, me laying on the couch after a busy day is normal. They don't think twice when we are all home from a busy few hours and I fall asleep on the couch. They say mommy is sleeping and go about playing. Because of my RA & CVID, I can't do everything that other moms do but I do what I can. In the summer we do go for walks in the woods, it is just planned so I know to rest up before we go and have time to rest afterwards. Biking is the easiest thing for my joints so we do a lot of that as well as a family. If I am in a flare on a day off, we may not go to a playdate or a park. Instead we stay home and they play outside.

Knowing I can't do everything I see other more active moms doing, I try and do little things that make my kids happy like playing the Wii or reading books. With all 3 in school, in the morning if it is cold out, instead of dropping them off to wait on the porch before the bell, I often times go inside the lobby with them so they don't have to stand in the cold.  This makes some of the kids classmates mad as they see them walking into the school when they are not allowed.  It is something little I can do for them that makes them smile. Joseph's asthma is tipped off by cold air so waiting inside with them also helps prevent any possible issues.  I'll bring things to them if I am in the area but not always. If they forget a backpack, they have 1 freebie they can use for the school year. They know it and have thought hard if they really need it when left at home the few times this year.

Living with a chronically ill family member can be hard but I've been told it also is making my kids more compassionate. All three of my kids are usually quick to help not only me but anyone who needs it. When my hands are too weak to open stuff or I don't have the motor control, Cynthia will step in and be my hands.  It has made them more independant as well. They are already learning how to do the laundry, unload and reload the dishwasher and make some basic meals.  Cynthia knew I was starting to get tired this morning after making muffins for them so she made breakfast for me. It was simply frozen waffles, some crackers and a muffin taht had cooled but it was very sweet.

I'm wiped out still from being busy yesterday so already struggling with getting stuff done. Josh is working till mid afternoon so the kids and I will have a low key kind of day. My body needs these kinds of days, especially with spring soccer starting in a few months.

Until tomorrow..

"I told you so." as told by my Physical Therapist

   "I told you so based on how your symptoms were presenting"  is what I heard from Kevin, my physical therapist yesterday when I told him I went into a flare late last week and am just now pulling out of it.

Kevin is the head of the Hilliard branch of Drayer PT and I've been working with him on and off since 2009. I first met Kevin when he was at Banyan Tree and I was needing PT after I had fusion done on L4-S1. He did such a great job that I was able to do complete my second triathlon in June of the following year so when I destroyed my shoulder, I tracked him down at Banyan Tree in Dublin. When Drayer opened, I followed him down to Hilliard and have been there ever since. During my whole knee debacle, I even fought with my orthapedic at the time, refusing to see anyone but Kevin for my rehab so when I finally decided to start dealing with my neck, back to Drayer I went.

Kevin has an uncanny ability to be able to tell if I am in a flare or heading into one just based on how my joints feel. He has said it feels like he is working in cement when strecthing my joints. He has worked with my back, my right shoulder, my right knee, both ankles and now my neck while unofficially working on my left knee and hips so he can tell how I am doing even when I play it down or don't say anything at all. A very good thing but frustrating at the same time as he also knows when he can push things.

PT is usually a longer process for me than a normal person as my body tends to be slow to respond. This round with my neck has been no exception thanks to degenerative discs in C5 & C6. We knew about the issue two year ago but ignored it. When it got to the point that I could barely move, I had to address it.  Now we are trying to undo years of bad posture due to me either being lazy or physically not being able to have good posture due to pain in my joints and muscles. The days I have PT usually wipe me out as well.

What has frustrated me today is when I helped out in Charissa's first grade class for an hour at the start of the day, I made sure I stood up straight and had as correct posture as I could manage in order to prevent neck pain. Yet my neck has been really bothering me the last several hours despite my efforts. Damned if I do, damned if I don't or at least I feel taht way. Tomorrow I have another round of PT but am working with Megan, a tech and the only other person I will work with at Drayer due to Kevin being out to spend time with his wife and newborn son. Should be interesting to see her take on things.

Now to get through the next few weeks of this chemo type creme I am having to ut on my nose twice a day on top of PT. More on that experience in another post.

Until tomorrow.

Only in Ohio....especially after Ohio State won the National Championship.

It has been a ride the last few days. Sundays are always crazy for us and with me in a flare, it makes it even more nutty. 

On Sunday I made it to church and then was able to rest some while Josh headed out to do an errand before indoor soccer training. Of course the older two asked me to come watch so despite me feeling not that great, I went anyway to support their efforts. Their smiles were worth the effort.

Yesterday it seemed like the entire state was starting to get hyped up for the National Championship game. Leading up to it I would see posts on Facebook of people eating duck or planning to eat duck on game day. This cracked me up. I get the devotion to the team and all but wow. One of Cynthia's soccer coaches even flew down for the game and flew back early this morning. To me, that is dedication. Even with the freezing rain in the morning, the news would sprinkle in Ohio State hype throughout the broadcast posting pics online of various fans in their OSU gear. Seeing the babies dressed up for it made me think we groom them early here to be fans. 

The kids at school were hearing about the game as well since most of the teachers and staff had some sort of OSU gear on or at least were wearing scarlett and gray. I would bet the majority of the population in the state  had Ohio State related colors on in support of the game. Calumet teachers handed out OSU coloring sheets during indoor recess even. Only in the state of Ohio have I ever seen people this dedicated, regardless if they actually went to the University. 

In my house, neither one of us grew up in Ohio so neither of us had this upbringing of practically worshipping Ohio State.  I graduated from the University of Central Florida and grew up as a military brat while Josh graduated from Devry and grew up in West Virginia. Neither of us watch much football or at least the American football either. This makes a huge difference in how our kids related to the game. I had to explain exactly what was going on and why it was a huge deal. In support of the team, I did wear red but only succeeded in getting Joseph to wear red as well. The girls either didn't have a red shirt to wear or just didn't want to and I wasn't willing to push the issue.  Some of the kids at school talked yesterday about staying up for the game but we had already told the kids this wasn't happening for them. Didn't seem to bother them as we don't watch much football anyway so they didn't have much interest.

Knowing all this doesn't mean I didn't want them to win last night. On the contrary, I hoped they did win. I found it fascinating that the last National Champsionship Urban Meyer won was when he was coaching the University of Florida against Ohio State. To have him coach Ohio State to a win seemed unique and something I'm glad he was able to accomplish. I did not watch the game myself however, opting to watch my favorite TV show, Castle. For some reason Castle aired a new episode in direct competition with the National Championship which I'm still not sure was a great idea. We'll see if it was when ratings come out later.

This morning while waiting in the school lobby, the music teacher would say O-H and everyone in the lobby would immediately say I-O before she let each middle school grade head upstairs to their classes. The kids told me they did this chant yesterday as well between in the classes. Only in Ohio. 

I have no doubt the entire state will be celebrating this win alongside the football team for a while.  I also think that many people were either late to work this morning or didn't make it at all due to the game based on what I observed driving the kids to school today,  Glad I am home and off the roads. 

As for myself, my RA flare is finally starting to ease up some thanks to upping my daily prednisone dose and resting more.  My goal today is to get most of the laundry done and cycle through the dishwasher. I also plan on working for 15 minutes on the kitchen area before making myself rest so I don't relapse back into a major flare. 

Until tomorrow....O-H

RA flares and weekend ramblings

It is official. I am in a massive RA flare. I knew I was headed into one toward the end of the week. Even PT could feel it in my joints and it culminated when I could barely raise my shoulder above waiste high due to a popping feeling around my rotator cuff.  PT ordered me to rest this weekend and I have now upped my prednisone to 15mg for the next 3 days to help combat the inflammation. My joints are stiff, body aches and I'm extremely tired. RA brain fog is also sticking around more than normal. The cold isn't exactly helping so the couch is my friend right now.

Due to the flare, this weekend is uneventful. I did manage to get some laundry done and went grocery shopping with my family. The kids picked out which design they each want for their pinewood derby cars which will be worked on wth Josh over the next 3 weeks. Tomorrow Josh will take the older 2 to indoor soccer training in the afternoon while Charissa and I stay home I hope.

While resting, I am looking for a decent Cowboy/West themed Contemporary romance book to read but not having much luck. The one I just finished reading I only finished because I couldn't make myself stop, despite how bad it was. It was like watching a train wreck.  I may give up and go read one of my many other tasteful romance books I have on my Kindle. May even reread my favorite romance series Treading Water by Marie Force. I have read this series, there are 4 books, and love it more each and every time. The characters give me a place to escape when my body gives up on me. Helps me not be as cranky with my family.

Tomorrow we are going to be under a winter advisory. freezing rain in the evening until Monday morning when it switches to snow. Snow on top of ice sounds like a bad idea to me. If roads are bad, really hope school will be closed so we can stay home. Unfortunately Josh will still have to go to work so I won't be able to relax until I hear that he arrive at work safely.  I don't mind the snow as long as I don't have to drive and then I hate it.

Enough of my ramblings for now. Until tomorrow.

Due to Frigid temps, my body is to take a day off....

Due to frigid tempatures today, it felt like my body decided to shut down on me. No idea if this was from the -25 F temp when I woke up or if I have just been doing way too much but I have felt achy and tired all day long.  Knowing my body, it was probably a combination of both as I felt a crash coming on for several days now.

I did manage to make it to physical therapy for my neck today but wasn't able to do as much. Kevin, the only PT person I will work with, said it felt like I was in a flare when he stretched out my neck. In the past he has said it feels like my joints are moving in cement when I am in a flare so he can usually tell before I say anything.

On a brighter note, my kids were off of school due to the dangerous temps and we knew the night before so I was able to sleep in some. I managed to get the dishwasher unloaded and reloaded as well as a load of laundry through the washer and dryer. I also got the kids breakfast and lunch while helping with various things throughout the day. This may not seem like much but for me, this was alot considering how I have felt all day. I did doze in between doing all this as my body just gave out on me. I could still hear everything going on so the kids knew if they needed me, I could help but they also are smart kids and knew I needed to rest.

Tomorrow they should be back in school which should start to put us back on a regualr schedule allowing me to rest more as well.

I would apologize for my whiny post today but I'm not as this is my life. I promised you a real look at chronic illness and having bad days like today is part of it. Who know what tomorrow will bring.

Until tomorrow,

A crazy up and down day

Today started out crazy with the kids being argumentative this morning. Arguing over whether a kids yogurt cup should be kept in its container or put in another one for lunch so it doesn't explode is not my idea of fun first thing in the morning when I am feeling less than great.

Finally got the kids in school so off I went to my pain management appointment. The appointment itself is usually uneventful but the people I come across in the waiting room always makes things interesting. One time I chatted with a lady who pulled her kids out of school after the 10th grade, not to homeschool but to not go anymore. The nurses and I shook my head at that one. I got lucky today with few people in the waiting appointment and getting called back fairly quickly. The only thing I didn't like was getting poked at by my doc. Apparently it is still sore right along my back fusion scar line 8 years post op.

Managed to get some stuff done at home before a nagging headache hit. Unfortunately it still hasn't gone away yet. I am hoping soon or at least before the People's Choice awards. Basically have been having one of my in between days. My fear is that my headache is going to lead into something else like the flu. All 3 kids had a headache before it it.

Things are looking up though. Got word that my kids school is closed tomorrow due to forecasted extreme temps. This means I get to sleep in tomorrow before starting the battle of convincing the kids it is too cold to play outside. I am hoping to be able to enlist the kids in some work around the house before relaxing most of the day.  The snow day due to temps I kind of get but I kind of don't at the same time. I know they closed so kids won't have to stand at the buss stop in dangerous temps. At the same time, I would hope parents at their school would keep them warm in some way before school. After tomorrow we only have 3 days left for allotted snow days with winter just starting. I am predicting now taht we will go over our 5 days again this year and have to go to the dreaded snow packets.

On a very cool note. Josh gave me a belated Christmas gift today which surprised me a tad. He got me an Anker bluetooth keyboard for my Kindle which I absolutely love already.  It will make it much easier to blog and chat with people online without having to load my laptop.

Until tomorrow.

First snow day of the season and frustration with my body

Today started out very early as Josh's alarm goes off just before 5am. As soon as it went off, I immediately turned on the news and pulled up the school closings on my cell. While Josh got ready for work, I watched City of Columbus schools close which meant Calumet was sure to follow. We got the text around 5:45 which for me meant some more much needed sleep.  For the kids, it meant playing in the snow on and off most of the day. All things considered, the snow day went smoothly. What didn't go so smoothly was how my joints decided to behave today frustrating me badly. 

Once I got word that my husband made it to work safely, I was able to do my morning eval of how my body felt. I do this every single day as it dictates what I can and can't do today. Also tells me how many spoons I have to work with for the day. 

Talking about spoons for the day sounds funny doesn't it but really it is a way to explain to people without any chronic illnesses what we go through each day. It is called the Spoon Theory and it was developed by Christine Miserandino. You can read more about it at this link http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/   

Another way I respond to people on how my days go is that I have good day, bad days and in between day. Today was an in between day with an extra helping of frustration with the lower half of my body.  I'm going to rant and whine some here so sorry ahead of time. From my hips down to both ankles, my joints hurt. Not only do they hurt but it seems like I can't move them the way I want. I end up limping if I am up for more than 5 minutes at a time and causing more pain. With the snow day, being up for longer than 5 minutes at a time was unavoidable so I shuffled along trying to pay attention to lifting my feet in case my nerves decide to get in on everything and make my foot drop. It made me feel clumsy and awkward while up. Even while at physical therapy for my neck, Kevin and Megan noticed something wasn't right and both asked me what was wrong. The only explanation I could give was my lower half isn't working well today. I blame it on my RA with some nerve issues mixed in causing everything to go nuts frustrating me to no end. 

I was able to take a nap at least while the kids watched TV some at least, It did make me laugh when I missed a call from Josh and when I called him back, instead of getting annoyed he simply asked if I was sleeping when he called the first time. He knows me well and understands that my body usually gives out forcing me to take a nap at some point during the day usually. 

My hope is that my stiffness in my joints eases up soon as I really don't want to have to switch RA meds. My Actemira is keeping the swelling down in my hands enough to allow me to wear my wedding ring. I don't want to go to another med knowing my hands will swell back up in between meds. I like my wearing my wedding ring and it bothers me when I can't. 

Tomorrow is another day, another doctor's appointment. Pain management is up next for me before I am off 2 weeks from medical appointments aside from my PT. I probably should try and rest as much as possible as I can feel a crash coming soon. What this means is that I can barely function when it does. I get the kids to school come home and sleep the rest of the day.  Anyway, that is another post for another day.

Until tomorrow. 

IVIG time. First one of the year.

Getting the kids off to school for the first time since Christmas break is usually nuts on days that I have IVIG and today was no exception.

IVIG infusion is something I get done every 4 weeks thanks to my common variable immuno deficiency. CVID is basically my immune system not functioning properly. I don't make enough IgG immunoglobins to allow me to fight off infection. I was diagnosed with it when some of my labs came back funny from my RA office and I was sent up to see Dr. McNeil, a very talented Allergy/Immunologist.  He gave me a tetanus & pneumonia vaccine, having labs done that day. I also had to have labs done again 4 weeks later to check to see if I built up any antibodies. Normal people would have but I did not build any up to either vaccine.. My response or lack thereof is the gold standard for a CVID diagnosis which is considered a rare disease. I have just enough of an immune system to fight itself but not enough to fight off infection.

IVIG takes any where from 3 to 6 hours and the point is to top my system off with more immunoglobins allowing me to fight off infection.  It may seem long but I am used to it at this point. I sit in a recliner and either play on my laptop or read on my kindle.  Unfortunately, most of the time I walk in dehydrated, despite how much I drink, so it takes several sticks and heating up my arm in order to get the IV started. Not fun but my favorite nurse is great in fact all the nurses at Optimed are wonderful.

CVID, for me, is a royal pain but when I finally got diagnosed explained why I would get sick so much. Also explained why when I got my staph infection in my leg several years ago it progressed so fast.

Not being able to fight off infection on my own means avoiding large crowds or if I caan't, minimizing my exposure like I did on Saturday. I also avoid any obviously sick people and am more aware of places and things that breed germs.  If we go out, I get drinks with no ice since ice machines are filled with germs. Air blowers in public bathrooms are also a no no as are touching any handles with my hands in public. If I do, my purell comes out to help get rid of anything. When my kids are sick,  I still care for them just up my hand washing and hope they don't share.

This is my day today. Untill tomorrow.

A Spouse's work party experience and the aftermat the following day.

Last night I was lucky enough to be able to attend a casino themed holiday party for my husband's work. Lucky because a friend came over and sat with the kids so Josh and I could go out and have fun. To prep for it, I made sure I took a nap before getting ready to go.

Entering the Hilton party area is where things got interesting. To a normal person when being introduced to people, you would shake their hand without any pause. To me, meeting people and having to shake their hand is uncomfortable to say the least. I'm not a germ phobe per se but thanks to my immune system not working properly I do have to be very careful. More than anything though, I dislike shaking hands because it physically hurts. My hands, particularly my knuckles, are usually inflamed so squeezing in a common shake hurts. Sometimes when meeting people I smile and wave and other times I shake their hand anyway not letting on how much it hurts. Last night I chose to keep my hands in my pocket, smiled and said hi. Occasionally I waved hoping I didn't appear rude as it was not my intent.

Entering the casino area posed another set of challenges with around 300 people in attendance. Thankfully Josh understood that with IVIG on Monday, something I will explain tomorrow, my immune system was at it absolute lowest point so being surrounded by people could be very dangerous if I picked up anything. I consider myself an introvert anyway so being in the middle of a crowd wasn't appealing to begin with but last night it was something I physically couldn't do. We were able to find a roulette table on the edge of the area so we could both enjoy ourselves betting with play money in order to earn tickets for drawings.  Last night I couldn't help but think normal people look at a crowd and don't have to be aware of who looks or acts sick. I don't have a choice.

Saturday night out meant paying for it on Sunday. Thankfully Josh didn't wake me up when he helped the kids with breakfast. I woke up extremely stiff and in a lot of pain, all this from standing for a few hours the night before. Very frustrating to say the least.  For some unknown reason, my left hip decided to act up where it hurt every time I moved it making it hard to put full weight on my left side. I did make it to the older 2 kids indoor training but it wasn't exactly comfortable. In fact, it hurt the whole time but the pain was worth seeing the smile on my kids faces when they asked if I watched them.

Unfortunately, the pain in my hip made me short tempered at times with everyone which is something I need to be more aware of and curb. Normally when my pain levels are spiking and my joints are stiff, I use the art of distraction jumping from one thing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Today I hurt so bad from my hip, not much worked until the kids were in bed and I was able to get pain meds in my system with a heating pad on my hip. Even once the meds started working, the pain has only been brought down to a 7 out of 10.  The only thing I can do is lose myself in a book and hope sleep comes soon. Tomorrow is a new day with ever changing symptoms and issues to handle while trying to be the best mom and wife to my family.

    Welcome to the start of 2015. Yes, I am 3 days already into this year and late posting but as the title on my blig says, that is "Life on the Fringes."  My New Year's resolution this year is to write ideally every day about what it is like to live with several chronic illnesses or as some call them, invisible illnesses. Being realistic though, I'd like to try and get a post up at least every few days, even if it is just a quick one.  My plan is for this to be a lay it on the line, no playing down anything kind of place where I talk about whatever happens to be on my mind on any given day. It will probably not always focus on my various ailments but then again who wants to constantly focus on not so great stuff all the time. Instead, it will be sprinkled into my posts and will always include an update on how I am feeling. This is as much for me to track my symptoms as it is for the reader to get a look inside what it is like to live life on the fringes.

   To start, let me introduce myself. I go by the name Chris but my given name is Christina and I am happily married with 3 strong willed kids ages 6,7 and 9. My middle one is my boy and the most like me at times so we butt heads the most. My husband, Josh, works in the IT field and for the most part, understands my issues and takes great care of the kids and myself. I consider myself very lucky.

   I was blessed or cursed, depending on the day, with more than one chronic illness. According to my Rheumatologist, I have moderate to severe Rheumatoid Arthritis which has progressed to the point of her telling me to file for social security disability 2 years ago. We are still fighting that battle to get it approved despite all my specialist supporting it. I also have a Primary Immunodeficiency called Common Variable Immunodeficiency which is considered a rare disease and a suspected nerve condition called Heredity Neuropathy Pressure Palsy. This is on top of more normal chronics, asthma and several eye issues like cataracts. All of these issues are managed by a team of specialists, mainly by my Immunologist, Rheumatologist, Pain Management and my Ophthalmologist doctors.  My youngest, Charissa, has been dealing with joint pain, stiffness and fatigue since she was 4.5 years old and is being followed by a pediatric Rheumatologist while my son was just diagnosed with, what we hope will remain, seasonal asthma.

All these illnesses, slow me down and make me adapt but I try not to miss the important events in my kids and husband's lives.  In order to do this, I plan ahead knowing if I have an event coming up or a crazier than usual day, to rest up or make sure my husband can drive so I can crash to and from things.   Thankfully during the winter, travel soccer is down to one day of indoor training so I try and use this time to recover from the previous season.

My life can be crazy at times with all 3 kids playing soccer, my oldest playing travel and sending them to my church's Christian school of which there is no bussing. Even if bussing was available, I doubt I would use it much. Many times, I go to events relying on adrenaline to get me through knowing I will be crashing at some point and my body does give out on me.

So, this is me or at least an introduction into my life.  The first two days of the year have started out well with my body being allowed to rest some on the first and running errands on the 2nd. Despite being busy though, I was able to take a nap to and from one place and my husband treated the family to Linner, aka lunch/dinner at Quaker Steak and Lube which was a new place for me. Any place that makes me want to eat more than a few bites is a good thing and I loved their ranch wing sauce.

Until tomorrow.....